Delhi Files 2 - The journey from abstraction to meaning

29/06/07

The journey from abstraction to meaning, is one that would require a right mix of soul, focus and regimentation. I continue to falter in this journey I have undertaken, and every time I do, I stop and wonder. Where do I lie, I know not. What have I learnt, what have I unlearnt, I know, but I am not quite sure. The only thing I see and hold dear to myself is my earnestness, my objectivity, my tendency to respond and conform only to my heart. I’ve always spoken at length about the importance of pain in life, the need to continuously hurl oneself through emotional turbulences, so that the soul grows in experience and wisdom and the visual aura of the soul extends itself through the eyes of others. The words seem profound, but just how easy is this path? It isn’t, there isn’t a chance in the world that’s going to make it easy. Living through continuous shadows of despair and hope takes it toll on almost every other aspect of life. The feeling of incapacitation and loneliness is so severe at times, that all sense of time, work and motion dissolves into nothingness. Objectivity and sensitivity clash on a battleground that would yield no winner. It is a classic case of principle colliding with reality, when the earnestness to be true to yourself interferes with your daily life, making you feel like a complete failure, both on the physical and metaphysical front. So, what does one do? I am as clueless as can be, and no, don’t expect a conclusive decision from me. I thrive on the existence of ambiguity and choice. Maybe there’s just one thing I can say. In this strange undefined quest we all have embarked upon, the real jewels are those moments in life which gift us with new perceptions and different ways of looking at apparently mundane things. Maybe it’s just a matter of hanging on, of living a life, no matter how screwed up the situation is. I envy those who do not think too much. They lead much happier lives, because although they may not know too much about what’s happening to them, they do know that they have to keep on living. It’s very simple I guess, to keep learning through experiences. Not an easy thing to do when in despair, but then, even that pain is an experience. There is no right or wrong path, no definite answer, the pain is as beautiful as the smile. To understand it though, you have to feel it, you have to live it. To quote a dear friend – “So, u don’t understand life? Good for u.”